Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
