I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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