Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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