Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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