i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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