So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
