"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
this beer tastes like vomit already
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
