You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you had me at cake vodka
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
