feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
