I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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