We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
