things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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