The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
