I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize