chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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