Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
