youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
