real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i drank out of a bidet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
