Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We are two peas in an std pod
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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