Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
