new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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