at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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