fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
