I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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