I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
