Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
