Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
