Is it normal to miss your booty call?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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