Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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