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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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