OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
