the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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