If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
