I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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