OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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