The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
