I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
