Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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