ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
