how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this boner is exhausting
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
