There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
