i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
