im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
