Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
