Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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