Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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