i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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