We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
