just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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