Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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